My kids, especially no. 2 and no. 3 are not the obedient type, not the type who would do as told, NO! I tell them "NO, DON'T DO IT" nicely, they seem to be deaf on both ears. I repeat the same words and they reply and say "OK" but still continue doing what they are not supposed to do. I holler the same words and add "I will CANE you right now!!" Suddenly, their ear drums seem to work again and they stop short of what they are told not to do and look at me.
Why do I need to threaten them with the cane all the time? Most times, the cane did end up on their skin, at times leaving marks. Sometimes I am too tired of hollering and threatening and it seems like THE CANE REALLY HELPS ME TO BE SANE, no pun intended! Sometimes I have thought of stashing a cane in my bag when I go shopping, so that I can control the 2 smaller rascals, lest they get lost and never to be found again.
I wonder what is wrong with my teaching. Why wouldn't my kids listen and be obedient? I wonder if disciplining them would be more effective if I don't work anymore and spend more quality time raising them up with my utmost best effort. Perhaps I should try. Just like a young creeply crawly plant. If the plants are not straightened with an aid, they will creep and crawl all over or perhaps grow up crocked or slanted. Plants can be assisted to grow into all types of shapes that we want. Same goes with human. With the proper guidance and aid at a young age, they will grow up to be the kind of person whom we want them to be. This is yet another issue that's playing wildly in my mind lately. I have to sort this out before all 3 of them become wayward. Regret and tears are too late then.
Health Freak Mommy ~ The Joys And Throes Of Motherhood
8 comments:
Teaching children has never been an easy task for us mothers. Every child is different. We need to try to find different discipling ways which fit our child best. Be consistent and leave the rest to God. Cover them in daily prayers and ask God to take control.
I had problem with my youngest boy too. Manja and does not listen to me most of the time. Lost him a few times in public places. For my children's sake, I left the corporate world.
Leaving your job may or may not be an answer. But spending quality time is important. If you can divide your time well, then why not? If you think that your job is robbing you from this, then try letting go a little work. Do small or lesser work. Where your treasure is, there also will be your heart.
I am no expert in this. Just my thoughts. Hope God will lead you to your heart's desire.
Joanne, I am trying different methods all the time. Plenty of trial and errors. Thanks for your advice.
Shireen, please share all your tips you tried... I need to learn from you...
Good write-up..thanks for sharing.
Motherhood....a challenge, and a lifelong one. Wish I had some good answers, but there isn't; I can share some experiences. First, there has been recent studies that spanking(likely caning too) has been shown to be detrimental to kids and they grow up into adults with mental issues. Now, I have to admit I was caned as a kid and I did deserve it most of those times! I do not hold any bitterness agst my parents.
Now, I think all of us agree kids learn by example and we are their role models. Again, parenthood is a tough gig.
This was how I disciplined my kids...mostly using the reward method for doing something good/ right, and withdrawal of privileges for doing something not good. Sometimes in our quest to do what is best for our kids, they grow up with a sense of entitlement. So, if they misbehave, take away privileges(yes, those are privileges, not their rights) like the TV, computer, play dates, trips to the mall etc. Maybe even disallow ice-cream after dinner if there is a good enough reason. The reward system is very true in the real world of grown-ups and the sooner they learn, the better.
Good luck!
Physical punishment didn't work with my big daughter, same as screaming, shouting when scolding... it drove her further and further away from me.. I can feel it. I need to put in a lot of effort and hard work to earn back her trust and love...
My current tactic is to stop what I am doing and stare at her, sometimes repeating my request, firm and loud. Then usually she will say sorry for etc etc... And lots of quality time.
Yes... trial and error.. finding a balance... and stay calm and happy.. :)
Thanks for raising this topic here, I like Chris's input. Reward and remove their privileges are very effective for my kids.
I use the cane a lot on my girl when she was 3-5 yo and now much lesser. Kids are always testing and pushing the boundaries, but we have to be firm with whatever consequences or punishment. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you are not, some kids are just more challenging. How about a one to one, and also a team talk to tell them that you are tired of scolding, they are big kids now and they know what is right or wrong, if they love you show it by obedience, also get hubby to emphasize the same point to them... I don't know, I'm just cracking my head to see if that works for them. But rest assured that they will grow out of it one day, and shireen, pray. Prayer for our kids really works!
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